On Wednesday we had our first post-placement visit with our social worker, Becky. I spent the day beforehand doing our first post-placement report for India. What a mission that was! Trying to condense four months worth of ups and downs into a few short pages, along with photos. This is where this diary really came in handy, as I was looking back on those first few weeks (which are now pretty much a blur) and hmm'ing and haaa'ing to myself ..."ohhhhh, thats right ... I remember that". The visit went really well, and as always it was nice to see Becky. She asked a lot of questions about how Ben was settling in, milestones that he had reached, how he was adjusting, any concerns etc. It was nice just to sit and chat. Shes going to forward us a copy of her report once shes written it, and with that we'll be looking forward to finalising his adoption!
We've had another really smooth week. Ben is still super-smoochy and has been asking for "snuggle-time", which I just love. We had a few "baby" moments earlier in the week which quite possibly contributed to all this snuggling. We were laying the bed cuddling and talking early one morning after Daddy had gone to work, and Ben pointed out that I had "boobies". I told him that Yup, I sure did. He asked me if my boobies had milk, and I told him that no, ... Mummy's boobies only make milk for tiny babies and that he was my big baby. He looked a little disappointed, so I added that big babies drink from sippy cups. Immediately he asked for a sippy cup. Now having read as much as I have, and researched as much as I have about older-child adoption, I knew that this was a completely normal part of the process and not to make too big of a deal about it. I got him his milk in his sippy cup, took it back to him and he snuggled close and drank the whole lot. Afterwards I asked him if he liked that and he told me "Yup, me Mummy's baby". I told him ...yes, you are Mummy's baby forever. He smiled a huge smile and announced it was time to get up for breakfast. Just like that. Nothing has been said about boobies or sippy cups since. I know that its a great sign as far as attachment goes that he's wanting to go back and start at the start. If that one time is all it took then WOW! It was so cute to lay there and hold him and watch the look in his eyes as he drunk from that baby cup. If he asks for it again, I won't hesitate.
Today we had a picnic for our adoption agency, and to be honest I really didn't know how Ben would do. We haven't had much luck with our experiences around other Indian adults since we came home, but I figured that with this being mainly kids things might be different. I told him that Eli and Shivani (the two kids from his same orphanage who live pretty close to here who also came to the airport to welcome him home) would be there and he was pretty excited. He was a little highly strung this morning as we were getting ready and announced twice that he didn't want to go. I took a firm line with him and told him we were going anyway and that he WAS going to have FUN. He didn't fight me on it, so off we all went.
We spotted Eli as soon as we arrived and Ben was all smiles. We'd spent some time early this morning looking thru all of the copies of Ben's photos from India for pictures of two girls (sisters) who are going to be living close to here. Becky had mentioned that their parents would hopefully be coming to the picnic, so we were looking out all the photos of them that we had. It sure bought back some memories for me, as this time last year we were waiting for Ben and hoping like crazy that Eli and Shivani's parents had photos of HIM. Ben proudly showed Eli his photos (after holding the albumn the whole way down in the car), and was happy to bring out the copies that we'd made of the two awesome sisters who are on their way to Oregon soon. Becky introduced us to their parents and older sister and it was so wonderful to meet them. To know that not only two more kids from India are coming home, but two more from SOS is just amazing! It was great to chat with them and to be able to give them photos and some short videos of their gorgeous daughters. Seeing their smiles and the longing in their eyes as they looked at those photos was all too close to home. It was such a short while ago that we were waiting .... For 14 months before I was able to hold him, I missed everything about him ... I knew that every day that went past was a day we'd never be able to get back. I missed him dreadfully ...this amazing little person that I'd only ever seen in a photo. I know Lori is feeling that same way ...while its amazing to see the photos, its also a reminder that your child is growing and changing and that they're not with you yet. I've heard a few other parents tell me that once your child is with you, you'll forget the wait. Not me. I'll never forget it, and I'll eternally wish it hadn't been so long. Every day I spend with him I treasure, and it makes me long all the more for the days that we missed out on. Nearly 6 years of his life that I couldnt hold him and tell him how much he was loved. Thats unforgettable.
The picnic was going great, and all the kids were having a great time. They played games with water balloons, and another game where the kids had to team up and run little buckets of water between big buckets of water. Everyone got soaked and they all had a great time. An all-out water fight followed with Ben getting dripping wet. As always, they had some raffles and some silent auctions, so I entered all the kids for the raffles .... 4 tickets each. Molly won a really cute Eyeore basket which was a great surprise. Just when we thought the raffles were over, they drew more tickets for the little sand-buckets that had been on each table (a bucket with a soft toy and balloons). Would you believe Cassies name gets called ...and then Maddies. Ben was waiting with baited breath as I tried to explain to him that this was all luck. Cassie offered her bucket to Ben and he wasn't having it for a second ... he was waiting for his name. It didn't happen. He got a little sad and pouted for a while. Nothing like the all-out meltdown that could have happened. We decided that we'd take a trip past the dollar store on the way home for those sunglasses he's been wanting (he breaks sunglasses as fast as we buy them), and he perked up a little. Its hard for him to understand that this wasn't about him being left out .. He really took it personally. What was great though was that he was able to tell me that he was sad, and why he was sad, and we found a way to make it better. While it might seem small to some, for us thats a huge break-through.
It'll be interesting to see what the next couple of days bring. Tonight he's happy and settled and I hope it continues. He's looking forward to seeing all of his India friends again soon, but there's been no talk of India or Surekha-aunty. He was very affectionate before bed-time, and told me "I used to be in India, but now I here with you, Mummy". I told him yes, now he's here with me and that he's my boy forever ...but that wasn't it nice to be able to see and play with friends he had in India too. He totally agreed.
To see him with Eli today playing and laughing was so touching. I have photo's of these boys together playing and dancing at the orphanage before either of them had families. To see them today at that park was the most amazing feeling. They are so similiar, and their lives are being lived so far from India ... their backgrounds are heartbreaking ...and yet today I saw two boys who are friends, and who have been friends for years. Brothers at the orphange, and firm friends here. Their lives have changed so much, but they're both still exactly who they are ... Chotu and Rashid, from SOS Childrens Village in Delhi ... now known and Eli and Ben ... Indian boys living in the USA with families who love them more than words could ever express.
We've had another really smooth week. Ben is still super-smoochy and has been asking for "snuggle-time", which I just love. We had a few "baby" moments earlier in the week which quite possibly contributed to all this snuggling. We were laying the bed cuddling and talking early one morning after Daddy had gone to work, and Ben pointed out that I had "boobies". I told him that Yup, I sure did. He asked me if my boobies had milk, and I told him that no, ... Mummy's boobies only make milk for tiny babies and that he was my big baby. He looked a little disappointed, so I added that big babies drink from sippy cups. Immediately he asked for a sippy cup. Now having read as much as I have, and researched as much as I have about older-child adoption, I knew that this was a completely normal part of the process and not to make too big of a deal about it. I got him his milk in his sippy cup, took it back to him and he snuggled close and drank the whole lot. Afterwards I asked him if he liked that and he told me "Yup, me Mummy's baby". I told him ...yes, you are Mummy's baby forever. He smiled a huge smile and announced it was time to get up for breakfast. Just like that. Nothing has been said about boobies or sippy cups since. I know that its a great sign as far as attachment goes that he's wanting to go back and start at the start. If that one time is all it took then WOW! It was so cute to lay there and hold him and watch the look in his eyes as he drunk from that baby cup. If he asks for it again, I won't hesitate.
Today we had a picnic for our adoption agency, and to be honest I really didn't know how Ben would do. We haven't had much luck with our experiences around other Indian adults since we came home, but I figured that with this being mainly kids things might be different. I told him that Eli and Shivani (the two kids from his same orphanage who live pretty close to here who also came to the airport to welcome him home) would be there and he was pretty excited. He was a little highly strung this morning as we were getting ready and announced twice that he didn't want to go. I took a firm line with him and told him we were going anyway and that he WAS going to have FUN. He didn't fight me on it, so off we all went.
We spotted Eli as soon as we arrived and Ben was all smiles. We'd spent some time early this morning looking thru all of the copies of Ben's photos from India for pictures of two girls (sisters) who are going to be living close to here. Becky had mentioned that their parents would hopefully be coming to the picnic, so we were looking out all the photos of them that we had. It sure bought back some memories for me, as this time last year we were waiting for Ben and hoping like crazy that Eli and Shivani's parents had photos of HIM. Ben proudly showed Eli his photos (after holding the albumn the whole way down in the car), and was happy to bring out the copies that we'd made of the two awesome sisters who are on their way to Oregon soon. Becky introduced us to their parents and older sister and it was so wonderful to meet them. To know that not only two more kids from India are coming home, but two more from SOS is just amazing! It was great to chat with them and to be able to give them photos and some short videos of their gorgeous daughters. Seeing their smiles and the longing in their eyes as they looked at those photos was all too close to home. It was such a short while ago that we were waiting .... For 14 months before I was able to hold him, I missed everything about him ... I knew that every day that went past was a day we'd never be able to get back. I missed him dreadfully ...this amazing little person that I'd only ever seen in a photo. I know Lori is feeling that same way ...while its amazing to see the photos, its also a reminder that your child is growing and changing and that they're not with you yet. I've heard a few other parents tell me that once your child is with you, you'll forget the wait. Not me. I'll never forget it, and I'll eternally wish it hadn't been so long. Every day I spend with him I treasure, and it makes me long all the more for the days that we missed out on. Nearly 6 years of his life that I couldnt hold him and tell him how much he was loved. Thats unforgettable.
The picnic was going great, and all the kids were having a great time. They played games with water balloons, and another game where the kids had to team up and run little buckets of water between big buckets of water. Everyone got soaked and they all had a great time. An all-out water fight followed with Ben getting dripping wet. As always, they had some raffles and some silent auctions, so I entered all the kids for the raffles .... 4 tickets each. Molly won a really cute Eyeore basket which was a great surprise. Just when we thought the raffles were over, they drew more tickets for the little sand-buckets that had been on each table (a bucket with a soft toy and balloons). Would you believe Cassies name gets called ...and then Maddies. Ben was waiting with baited breath as I tried to explain to him that this was all luck. Cassie offered her bucket to Ben and he wasn't having it for a second ... he was waiting for his name. It didn't happen. He got a little sad and pouted for a while. Nothing like the all-out meltdown that could have happened. We decided that we'd take a trip past the dollar store on the way home for those sunglasses he's been wanting (he breaks sunglasses as fast as we buy them), and he perked up a little. Its hard for him to understand that this wasn't about him being left out .. He really took it personally. What was great though was that he was able to tell me that he was sad, and why he was sad, and we found a way to make it better. While it might seem small to some, for us thats a huge break-through.
It'll be interesting to see what the next couple of days bring. Tonight he's happy and settled and I hope it continues. He's looking forward to seeing all of his India friends again soon, but there's been no talk of India or Surekha-aunty. He was very affectionate before bed-time, and told me "I used to be in India, but now I here with you, Mummy". I told him yes, now he's here with me and that he's my boy forever ...but that wasn't it nice to be able to see and play with friends he had in India too. He totally agreed.
To see him with Eli today playing and laughing was so touching. I have photo's of these boys together playing and dancing at the orphanage before either of them had families. To see them today at that park was the most amazing feeling. They are so similiar, and their lives are being lived so far from India ... their backgrounds are heartbreaking ...and yet today I saw two boys who are friends, and who have been friends for years. Brothers at the orphange, and firm friends here. Their lives have changed so much, but they're both still exactly who they are ... Chotu and Rashid, from SOS Childrens Village in Delhi ... now known and Eli and Ben ... Indian boys living in the USA with families who love them more than words could ever express.
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