You Choose, Mummy.

Determined not to have a repeat of yesterday mornings performance regarding school-clothes, I asked Ben to come upstairs so we could choose SHORTS and a T-SHIRT for school. I was happy and upbeat, but at the same time completely ready for another arguement. His response was "You choose, Mummy".

What??

I selected a pair of shorts and a shirt that I know he loves to wear, and bought them back downstairs to see if they met with His Royalty's approval, and sure enough they did. He got dressed happily and asked if these were "Mummy's favourites?". I told him that I thought he looked super-handsome in anything he wore and that got me a huge grin.

This morning was super-smooth. No arguements, no upsets, nothing. There were lots of giggles and cuddles and kisses and he was super-cooperative with everything from eating breakfast right to cleaning his teeth. When it came time to leave for school he jumped into the car happily and him, Maddie and myself chatted all the way to school. He greeted his teacher with an enthusiastic smile, hung up his backpack, got his art supply box and took his place at the table. His teacher gave me a questioning look and I grinned as I explained to her that we're happy again today. Yesterday was exactly what I said it was. He was just having a moment.

Having thought more about yesterday I can see that just as he did when he first came to us, he was trying to be in control. Firstly about his clothes, and then with his behaviour. He was aiming to get a much bigger reaction than he did yesterday, and my guess is that now he's seen that it didn't work he's given up on the idea. At least for now.

I recognise that his need to be in control stems from a couple of different things. Firstly I believe that in his past he's been a parent to himself, and to have someone take that job (for as much as he loves having a Mum) is still a huge change for him. Also too, there have been so many things happen in his life that he hasn't had a say in .... Decisions that have been made for him that have left him feeling as though he has no control .... Major life-altering decisions made by well meaning adults that have quite probably left him feeling powerless. He didn't DECIDE to move to America for example. He was receiving very good care in India and had strong bonds with his caregivers and the other children.

In his position I'd be trying to regain some power and control of my life too.

He's working out that as the Mummy there are some decisions that I will make, espescially if it comes to his safety or his comfort. (Wearing winter clothes on a day where its forecast to get near a 100 degrees out being one of them!) I get the feeling he throws these random things at me just to see how I'll react, and I've also found that the less of a negative reaction I can give him, the happier we all are. Before bed last night we had yet another talk about choices ... I told him that I understand there are some choices he's going to want to make for himself and that I totally agree with that, and even game him some examples. He chooses his own cereal each morning. He chooses whether to have milk or juice or water with breakfast. We've been shopping and hes chosen his own shoes, clothes, treats, etc. I also reminded him that as his Mum, there would be occassions where if I felt he had made a poor choice then it was my job to teach him why that choice may not have been so great. I reminded him that it was so hot when he got home yesterday that he wanted to go straight into the pool and asked if he was glad he had worn shorts. He said yes. I asked if he was glad Mummy hadn't let him wear all those winter clothes. Again he said yes.

Tonight he's choosing dinner. He hasn't made up his mind yet, but I know it will involve chicken. Any time its his night to choose its Chicken and *whatever he decides*. The chicken is defrosting as I write this, and when he makes his decision as to what to have with it after school today, I'm going to be sure to let him know what a TERRIFIC choice he made.